It was just
a normal Saturday. Shawn was off work and able to watch Eliana, which allowed
me to go to my eye exam unaccompanied. I was excited to have a little time to
myself. I was in a great mood as I arrived a little early and perused the
displays of eyeglasses. Finally the receptionist called my name and asked me to
fill out some paperwork. I took a seat in the waiting room and began to absent-mindedly
fill out the forms. The first few questions were easy enough- name, address,
insurance information, just the typical things you would see on a medical form.
It wasn’t until I got about half way down the page that my nice Saturday
morning took a turn for the worst. It was as if the question leapt out at me
from the page! (I warned you I have a flair for the dramaticJ)
What is your occupation? This question was so simple in nature, yet in
this season of my life it packed a powerful punch that knocked the wind right out
of me. At first I became defensive. Why does the eye doctor need to know what I
do? What does that have to do with the health of my eye sight? Then I got
irritated. This is just a waste of time to fill out these stupid forms that ask
personal information about things that are totally irrelevant to the task at
hand! And finally I just got down-right
insecure. I know this seems ridiculous but I actually began to cry as I sat and
stared at the form. The simple question, what is your occupation had now turned
into a personal assault on my identity and self-worth as an individual. As I
sat and cried in the eye doctor’s office I began to realize something that
until this day I had somehow overlooked. I was NOT ok. You see somehow I had
talked myself into believing all the cliché answers I’d been giving my friends
and family for months. When asked how I was doing I would simply plaster on a
fake smile and say, “Oh, we’re doing good! Just trusting in the Lord.” Or
“we’re enjoying this season of rest without all the responsibility that comes
from full-time ministry” I had said them so many times that somewhere along the
way I began to believe it to be true, but sitting here crying in the eye
doctor’s office was not the action of a
well- adjusted, emotionally stable adult. There was definitely something very
wrong here!
It was that
question. I had never realized it before but through the years I had picked up
this bad habit of identifying myself by what I did. My security had become
wrapped up in my position. My title. My job. My ministry. And now after years
of climbing my way up the “ladder” to the position I had wanted for so long God
had asked me to leave it behind. And not only did I have to leave it behind but
I had nothing new to walk into. There was no position or title waiting on the
other side of my obedience. It was just me. So to me, the form wasn’t asking
“what’s your occupation?” it was asking “who are you?” and I had absolutely no
idea!
I am God’s workmanship
created in Christ to do good works. - It doesn’t take a title to do good works.
You don’t have to be in full-time ministry to do ministry! In fact I believe
this season gave me such a greater understanding and appreciation for those who
work full-time whether in the corporate world or as stay at home mom, yet they
still find the time and dedication to serve in their local churches. They still
go out of their way to love their neighbors and disciple their children. It’s
what we were created for! It’s who we are!
I am a friend of God.-
I’m not just a servant in God’s kingdom. He desires more than a faithful little
worker bee. He longs for a relationship with me. He says I’m his friend! This
blows my mind- the King of the universe likes to sit and talk with me. He wants
to know what I think and feel. He cares about the details of my life. People say you can tell a lot about a person
by the company that they keep. I am thankful that during this lonely season I
came to know God as a friend. I’d say that’s some good company to be keeping!
I am in Christ! I am a
new creation, the old has gone and the new has come!- I no longer have to be
weighed down by the past or old mentalities I picked up along the way. My mind
is being renewed every day and I can walk in that freedom.
I could go
on and on about who God showed me that I am. He had been trying to show me all
along but my life had been so busy I had never taken the time to listen. I had
been working so hard at “what” I thought God called me to “do” I had overlooked
“who” he called me to “be”.
I am by no means perfect and there are times I find myself trying to creep back into my old way of thinking. I have good days and bad days.
But I am now aware of my struggle and on those bad days I have learned to quiet
my mind and listen. It’s amazing what God will whisper in your ear if you let
Him. I came home from my trip to the eye doctor with more than just a new pair of glasses. God showed me a new perspective.
Take a listen to this song it pretty much says it all J
